Will 2022 be the Year You Invest in Yourself?
It's only been a few months since the new year started. Whether you're big on resolutions or not, I'm pretty sure you've noticed how some women said that self-love/self-care were on their list. For some of them it was even number one!
Have you ever wondered why this is happening?
Fact is: because it matters! Self-care has always existed, but we haven’t always noticed it. Now it is just starting to get the attention it deserves.
So why has it gone unnoticed for so long?
SOCIETAL EXPECTATIONS
Our society always has a lot of expectations, especially for women. How many of these expectations have you internalized as being ‘normal’ or being what is expected of you as a woman in western society?
"If you're a woman, you should focus on being a wife. Then a mom. But you should also have a career and volunteer and workout at least ten hours a week.”
"Oh and you also need to make sure you have an organic, balanced, responsibly sourced meal prepared three times a day while keeping your kitchen spotless. And the laundry? The hampers must always be empty, every article of clothing pressed, folded, and put away. No mountains of unmatched socks here! Your kids never throw fits and always eat their dinner without complaining. Your partner is always happy with you and attentive. There is never any dust on your bookshelves and you always have fresh flower arrangements from your homegrown garden sitting on your kitchen counter.”
“You are teacher, chauffeur, therapist, seamstress, negotiator, doctor, accountant, household manager, cleaner, chef, lover, friend, and if you let even one of these categories slip below being 100% Instagram worthy - then you are worthless. You must always be completely present for your partner and your children and your friends and your family before you can ever think of yourself!”
"Mistakes are not allowed. If you fail - your entire family will fail and it will be all your fault.”
AND EXPECTATIONS DON’T END FOR THE MARRIED MOTHERS WITH KIDS!
If you’re single, you’re probably hearing A LOOOOOOT about how you can catch a partner if you just change this one thing or be a little more of that. You probably have had that one family member look down their nose at you for being single (not understanding that it can be a choice!). Or they suggest that you should learn how to do x or y so you can be ready to be married or a mother because what point could your life have if you aren’t married or in a committed partnership?
Imagine carrying all those weight plus just trying to stay alive. To eat right, get enough sleep, drink enough water, take a shower….
Geez, I got tired just writing all the above expectations - and I know how exhausting it can be to live with them. Plus there are always more that I haven’t even touched on.
Who said being a woman is easy?
I’d like to give them a piece of my mind.
All the demands and expectations... Then came the pandemic.
WHAT DID THE PANDEMIC DO?
Do I even need to say it?
The pandemic made everything feel like it was under a microscope.
All of the expectation and stress just became magnified to a million when COVID hit.
Before the pandemic, we may have been overwhelmed but at least we had support systems in schools, churches, family, friends, and neighbors. We could go catch coffee with someone or have a playdate with no problem at all. There were concerts and restaurants and places we could blow off steam. Spontaneous meetups? No problem! Having grandma and grandpa take the kids for the weekend? No tests needed!
And while we may have many of the same friends and family as we did before 2020, it is just another complication in an already overwhelming landscape of being a woman in this era.
It already was a challenge to make time for girls night or book club. Now it is an endless minefield of politics, responsibilities, and opinions. Can’t a girl just go out and have a laugh?
So on top of all the different ways we are stressed, our normal outlets have been curbed (or cut off entirely). This disruption in our avenues to destress has, clearly, contributed to the rise of stress for everyone.
So why are women still taking on just as much as they did before with this on top of it? And what can we do about it?
WE NEED TO REALIZE WE ARE HUMANS, TOO
We are not robots and we have our own needs and wants. We definitely cannot do all the things others want us to and we cannot meet every expectation (perfectly or imperfectly!).
But it's all okay. After all, we're all just humans. We make mistakes, we stumble and fall, and we just stand back up again and do our thing.
BUT SHOULD WE BE DOING THAT?
Should we just leave it like that? Should we just stand up from where we fall, dust ourselves off, and make no changes? Should we just push on and on and on until we fall too hard to pick ourselves back up?
A lot of women, unless directly asked that question, live that way without even knowing it!
Because of the standards society sets, the majority of women feel bad when they take good care of themselves.
Have you noticed how we as women always put ourselves last on the list?
We are always after our partners, our job, our kids, our pets, our family, our friends, and heck - sometimes even strangers! Literally - we put ourselves DEAD last!
We do NOT invest in ourselves the way we invest in others.
Think about it.
When was the last time you took a day off? Like an entire day where you didn’t have to do anything but what you wanted to do. No grocery shopping, no post office run, no catching up on laundry or emptying your inbox.
Or when was the last time you spent time with friends without feeling guilty about the time it took away from other things that you feel like need to be done?
When was the last time you splurged on yourself and bought yourself something REALLY nice? Especially compared to when it was the last time you spent money for family, friends, neighbors, friends of your children, children of your friends, teachers of your children… and the list goes on.
Yes, I know that there is ALWAYS a reason to give to someone else, but if you are always giving 100% of yourself away - you will always be empty.
It is a beautiful kindness that you want to shower everyone else with gifts and love. It’s so sweet - but you CANNOT forget yourself!
WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU DO FORGET YOURSELF
Believe me, I speak from experience when I say : you will burn out.
No one can burn a candle at both ends forever and ever. It just doesn’t work.
Many have tried... but no woman is an island. I know that I have ended up hospitalized because I have given more than I had to give! Don’t let this be your story.
Do you notice how when you're too tired you tend to spread negative vibes?
It's because you cannot pour from an empty cup! So when you give your all and leave nothing for yourself, you'll end up giving NONE the next time.
That is how it works. Not great, right?
Remember... you cannot take care of others if you do not take care of yourself first.
YOU HAVE TO MAKE YOURSELF A PRIORITY… BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE!
So forget the expectations, the unreasonable demands, the people who are telling who you are and who you should be and what you should give. To avoid the inevitable burnout, you must let go of all the expectations, and find ways to prioritize yourself!
By prioritizing yourself, we mean loving and caring for yourself the same way you care for and prioritize others. We know that can feel like an extravagance but that’s the point. It shouldn’t! Giving yourself the same care you give others may feel strange at first, but as you start to practice it in little steps it will become your normal pattern.
It may feel like selfishness, but if you are only giving and giving you won’t have anything left to give and that is when trouble starts.
After all, happiness starts within... If you're happy, you for sure can radiate that energy and pass it on to people around you.
So why wouldn’t you want to be happy so you can give your best self to all of those around you?
And don’t you dare! Don’t you dare let those excuses in your mind right now take over… I know you’ll always find excuses not to do this, but that is not healthy and will burn you out over time.
At least just try to stop putting yourself last on the list, even for once, and I’m sure you’ll stick to that once you see what difference it makes.
THINGS YOU CAN DO
To start your #selflove | #selfcare | #selfpriority | however you want to call it journey, here are some of the things that you can do:
1. Always squeeze in time for self-care such as engaging in a healthy hobby, a quick exercise, a mini-meditation, or simple breathing exercises to refresh yourself and let happy hormones run (seriously - even if it is only sixty seconds - that is sixty seconds you didn’t take yesterday. No excuses!)
2. Find your tolerance or threshold. When you feel like you're soon to be drained and empty, STOP whatever you're doing and quickly find something fun to do!
Or...
3. GO EXTRA AND BOOK YOURSELF A BOUDOIR because why not?! After all, you're a queen and you deserve to be treated like one.
HERE'S WHAT YOUR BOUDOIR SESSION LOOKS LIKE:
1. You will be pampered with professional hair and makeup and get treated like a queen;
2. You will be posed by a professional photographer (me) from head to toe, making you as comfortable as possible with all the poses;
3. You will get to see your images on the SAME DAY as your session and even get to pick your favorites WITHOUT HAVING TO WAIT!
And to TOP ALL THAT OFF, we can talk about customizable image collections to purchase that surely fit every budget - which you can also use as MOTIVATION and REMINDER that YOU ARE A QUEEN, hence you DESERVE TO BE TREATED LIKE ONE. :)
The only thing getting in your way and an AMAZING BOUDOIR SESSION right now??
YOURSELF.
Now if this is not a way to finally invest in yourself this 2022... I don't know what it is.
The question is, are you ready??
